Relationships are like art...they're created out of inspiration.
Like art, relationships have a certain level of imagination, creativity and inspiration. It is amazing what a relationship does for our health and overall wellbeing. Studies say that those of us in relationships generally earn more, are happier and live longer. Whether or not that's the case in your relationship, they do inspire us to look at life from a new perspective and make choices differently than when we were single.
The word 'inspire' means to be in spirit. When we are in the spirit of something, a thought or an emotion, we are moved to take a certain level of action. Many seek relationships to bring new meaning into their lives. Usually when we couple with another person, their influence naturally causes a change in our thinking and behavior.
But, does this inspire you? Does your relationship inspire you to want to be a better person, stretch your limitations and boundaries to get a better job, take on a passion you've been too afraid to pursue, but now that you've got support feel you can make it happen? Or, does your relationship inspire you to want to get married, have children, buy property and take on more responsibility than you ever imagined?
If the answer to any of those questions, is 'yes,' great! A relationship has the power to bring positive aspirations into your life. Those aspirations can cause you to make decisions that will affect the rest of your life, For the most part, you want that inspiration to be a positive influence, To help you reach your goals as an individual and a couple.
But what about the opposite: doubt, fear and uncertainty? Right now, do you sense a shift in your relationship, where it was once very inspirational and now it's just a situation? How did you get there? What can you do to get out of it or change it? I have three suggestions:
1.Compare your goals at the beginning of the relationship to your goals now. If they are the same goals, your relationship is not moving you along. If they've changed for the better - plans and memories have been made. The 'piggy bank of your relationship' gets fuller everyday and you look forward to the future, you're on the right track.
2.The landscape of your life is different. Ask yourself is it a 'good different' or 'bad different.' True, you can't always say a situation is 'good' or 'bad,' most of life is a shade of grey. However, if you take an objective view, how do things look for you at the moment in your relationship? Are you where you thought you would be at this point?
3.Are your instincts telling you something? You know, that nagging thought or feeling you get every time a specific issue or concern arises. What is it trying to tell you? Are you listening, or holding off out of fear or anxiety? Our instincts are there for a reason. Sometimes it's a safe bet to listen.
Inspiration comes from many sources, however relationships are the most underrated, yet one of the most powerful. If you think about your relationship and the opposite occurs: apathy, disinterest or the inability to see past the current moment, take note. Either change your perspective, the relationship or both.
Dissolve your resolutions and create some goals for dating and relationships this year! Make a solid case (to yourself) for the decision, write it down and get started.
We're three days into 2018 and your resolutions are still alive...barely! Have you been active in the gym the past few days? Given up that morning muffin for avocado toast or cut back on one glass of wine after dinner? Whoa, that's a lot! How long do you think you can keep that up? Well, more power to you because you have about three more weeks (MAX) before you give up entirely, and then it's back to last year's bad habits.
But, maybe, just maybe you're gonna prove me wrong. Honestly, it all depends on your goals. For example, the number one goal every year seems to be to lose weight. Nothing wrong with that. However, why? Are you unhealthy and want to feel better, build confidence and a lifestyle change? Or, do you want to create a new self image, look good and buy new clothes?
If you're goal is a new relationship, I bet you've sat down and thought about why you want to be in a relationship, right? Made a list of the characteristics you want him or her to have, what energy and influence they'll bring into your life...even how much your family will (or should) love them! Probably not. Your best bet is to dissolve your resolutions now, especially when it comes to love.
The New Year sparks such a desire to change any element of life that makes us unhappy. But life changes are goals to be considered and processes to be worked. I know what you're thinking...goals, process, work! Words like that imply time, effort and patience (which so many have so little of). I understand, but when it comes to two people coming together, you have to start with the intent (goal) choose a method (process) and go on dates (do the work). Make sense?
Grab some paper, a pen or open your fav word processor and write down what you want in a relationship in 2018. It's not a resolution, dissolve that! It's a map to achieve your relationship goal(s) for the year.
Ditch the resolutions and try Relationship Goals for 2018! Make it your year to figure out what you want, find new places to find it or recommit to the love you already have!
When you think about it, 2017 was an onslaught of emotional, psychological and theoretical adjustments, especially on a social level. Our world (literally and figuratively) continues to change at a rapid pace. Political, socioeconomic and cultural shifts implemented this year will have strong repercussions in 2018 and beyond.
Socially, this makes you all want to lock down your love lives! Find someone special to anchor and help you through the changes ahead. I'll be honest, as a single woman, I understand the desire. It can be a challenge to navigate and digest the ups and downs of life when you run the entire ship. There is no one to bounce ideas off of, let you know when you're taking on too much, or share the triumphs of a job well done. A partner mirrors our decisions, is a compass for direction and can be a comfort when the train goes off the rails.
On the flip side, the freedom of being the only person responsible for your ups and downs, keeping your own counsel and setting the course for the moment, hour or day is a privilege that can't be ignored, which leads to my point.
I know you're reading and hearing and "New Year Resolutions" everywhere, which is expected. But face it, by the time we hit our mid 20's the idea of making resolutions for the new year is a waste of time. Basically because they'll get broken within the first few days or weeks of the year. For the sake of intention, I think goals are a better bet!
If you're single, sit down and think about what you really want in a relationship. Create a goal to put yourself in environments and/or try new things that will put you in the vicinity of that type of person. Be careful though, this may mean moving past your comfort zone. List 3 places (other than a bar, gym or work) where you can do something new and meet someone with the qualities you're looking for.
If you're on the fence about a relationship you're already in, think about what value that person brings into your life, other than monetary (if that's even a factor). How does he or she make you feel? Do you learn, grow and experience life in a better way with this person, or do they bring you down? Give yourself the goal of serious thought about this topic. If they're right for you, you'll know it. Trust your instincts and figure out a way to work on the relationship to get it where you want it to be. If not, make a definitive decision to end the relationship. It doesn't matter if your grandma likes them, or your friends love them...if you don't, there's no point in being together.
Already dating or married? Think about making a commitment or a recommitment to your relationship. Been thinking about moving together, discuss taking the leap. Wanna give your marriage more time, your spouse more attention? Book a vacation for just the two of you and do something both fun and romantic.
As 2017 comes to a close, let 2018 be the new beginning that it is. Give yourself the goals of love rather than resolutions.