Everyone knows that relationships take time, effort and commitment to work. The end results are often times not what we expect them to be, yet a select few are pleasantly surprised. So tell me, why do you want a relationship?
Ok, I know. It's a hard question to answer, right? Why do you think that is? Have you even thought of asking yourself that question before? Probably not because it’s too much thinking and processing to manage, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.
First, let me be clear, I’m not asking what you want from love. I’m asking what you want from a relationship. Love and a relationship are two different things. They are not interchangeable or synonymous. One is a feeling, an emotion that is based on inspiration from within. The other is an external partnership based on an emotional, physical or mental connection that is bound by trust and commitment. Love is internal and inspires thought and action. Whereas interpersonal relationships are a byproduct of love.
When we seek a relationship we look for someone we can relate to, a person who will understand who we are without judgement and/or expectation. We want a person to be close with who will make us feel comfortable, safe, wanted and loved. The level of comfort we gain from a romantic relationship is rarely found in other parts of our lives. For that reason, relationships or the search of one, dominates a large portion of our lives.
The question is why?
If you are single and actively seek a man or woman to share your intimate self, what role will that relationship play in your life overall? Is it a situation that you really need, or is it a familial or societal pressure you’re trying to quell?
Does a relationship move you closer to the goal of being married, being a parent, or is it for financial reasons?
Consider the elements of your life you will subsequently change if, and/or when, you enter into a relationship. Are those elements of your life (that you’re willing to give up, or alter) just to accommodate a relationship, things you refuse to give up even when you find the relationship you want?
Ultimately, what will a relationship do for you and is there any other way for you to get what you want without it?
More than anything else, the holiday season is about love. Love for self, fellow man and life. Give, receive and enjoy!
The holidays bring togetherness and cheer, but also causes heartburn and anxiety! Over the years I've found a few things lovers tend to get wrong. Here are my top 3 holidays do's and don'ts to set you straight for the relationship side of the season.
If you're in a new relationship (and not quite ready to introduce your new love to family, friends or colleagues), do schedule special time with them. Plan dinner and exchange gifts (even if they don't celebrate any of the holidays). Show him or her the potential your love has and your commitment to grow the relationship. Give your time and attention during the busiest season of the year.
Don't force your holiday traditions, festivities or expectations onto yourself or your date. The holiday season is stressful as it is. Everyone celebrates the holidays in their own special way. More and more people leave the hustle and bustle aside for sandy island beaches to avoid holiday commitments. Rather than stress out, schedule one or two events you are required to attend, then leave your schedule open for relaxed play time. That way no one feels forced or excluded during the holidays.
Do keep the holiday attire to a minimum. "Ugly sweaters," Santa and reindeer hats are cute and show you have a fun side, but overall they're not sexy. Keep your style warm, relaxed and on trend with classic red sweaters for guys, and comfy accentuated dresses, skirts or slacks for the ladies. A festive scarf, broach or ear muffs show you're in the holiday spirit without looking like you escaped from the North Pole!
Don't overdue the gifts! Especially in a budding relationship. Show how much you care in every way during the holidays instead. Tell him or her how much you appreciate them in your life. Buy a gift that shows your commitment to learning more about them and plan something intimate like a couples massage. If you've been dating for a while, give a gift you can enjoy later, like a vacation that can create memories in the future.
Do be grateful for the love you have during the holidays. If you're having a tough time with your partner, rather than call it quits (due to pressure or stress), think about the point of the season. Good will, togetherness and compassion are major themes this tine of year. Give extra effort! Add some holiday spirit to the relationship with tried and true traditions like a kiss under the mistletoe, nog and cookies in front of the fire place, cuddle night on the couch or wishing upon a star!
Don't feel like a loser if you're single. Although you may see couples, love and family bonding everywhere, believe that one day you will have the same thing! Feeling down during the holidays will make life seem worse than it is. If you're reading this, chances are life isn't so bad, you have a working internet connection! Volunteer in your local community, help a neighbor or call a friend you know you won't see during the season. Find something, anything, that brings you joy and be happy to have it in your life.