Your intent to find love will make all the difference in your success.
So here we go again! We’re past the halfway mark in January and the talk now is how to re-start or maintain resolutions. The pressure is still on to “make a change!” Is it hard to not buy that? After all, it is well intended. I mean, who could argue with the goal of self-improvement or finding love? And so most of us willingly go along and declare, “this is the year that I finally stick to my resolution.”
But is this what you really want? Is finding a partner about you or something else?
Lots of us crave love from a romantic relationship and make finding one a goal for the New Year. Reasons range from another year gone by to getting older or feeling like it’s now or never. The thing is a relationship may be doomed from the start if the intention behind it is out of fear, angst or loneliness. My thought is, the purer the intent, the better the outcome. If you intend to date with the intention to bring love, value and family into someone’s life, the result is more favorable than, say, having someone to sleep with on the weekends.
Your intent must align with the outcome you want because this will guide your actions behind it. For example, what if your goal is to find a long-term relationship that will lead to marriage? Should you hang out at a club or bar hoping to run into a fine hottie with confidence and strong family values? Maybe, it has happened. However, if an LTR is your intent with someone you can love the rest of your life, you’re more likely to find that in a community setting or through a professional service. Of course, if you intend to find endless hookups this year, there are plenty of dating apps readily available.
As we move towards the end of January, lets consider our intent for a relationship this year. Consider the role it will play in your life and why it holds importance. And by all means, if you realize that you’re not ready for a relationship, i.e. exclusivity, honesty and commitment, refrain from attempting to go on dates with people who are. It’s not fair to them and ultimately, not fair to you either. When your intent is to be better it affects not only you, but also everyone you bring into your orbit.
Dissolve your resolutions and create some goals for dating and relationships this year! Make a solid case (to yourself) for the decision, write it down and get started.
We're three days into 2018 and your resolutions are still alive...barely! Have you been active in the gym the past few days? Given up that morning muffin for avocado toast or cut back on one glass of wine after dinner? Whoa, that's a lot! How long do you think you can keep that up? Well, more power to you because you have about three more weeks (MAX) before you give up entirely, and then it's back to last year's bad habits.
But, maybe, just maybe you're gonna prove me wrong. Honestly, it all depends on your goals. For example, the number one goal every year seems to be to lose weight. Nothing wrong with that. However, why? Are you unhealthy and want to feel better, build confidence and a lifestyle change? Or, do you want to create a new self image, look good and buy new clothes?
If you're goal is a new relationship, I bet you've sat down and thought about why you want to be in a relationship, right? Made a list of the characteristics you want him or her to have, what energy and influence they'll bring into your life...even how much your family will (or should) love them! Probably not. Your best bet is to dissolve your resolutions now, especially when it comes to love.
The New Year sparks such a desire to change any element of life that makes us unhappy. But life changes are goals to be considered and processes to be worked. I know what you're thinking...goals, process, work! Words like that imply time, effort and patience (which so many have so little of). I understand, but when it comes to two people coming together, you have to start with the intent (goal) choose a method (process) and go on dates (do the work). Make sense?
Grab some paper, a pen or open your fav word processor and write down what you want in a relationship in 2018. It's not a resolution, dissolve that! It's a map to achieve your relationship goal(s) for the year.
Ditch the resolutions and try Relationship Goals for 2018! Make it your year to figure out what you want, find new places to find it or recommit to the love you already have!
When you think about it, 2017 was an onslaught of emotional, psychological and theoretical adjustments, especially on a social level. Our world (literally and figuratively) continues to change at a rapid pace. Political, socioeconomic and cultural shifts implemented this year will have strong repercussions in 2018 and beyond.
Socially, this makes you all want to lock down your love lives! Find someone special to anchor and help you through the changes ahead. I'll be honest, as a single woman, I understand the desire. It can be a challenge to navigate and digest the ups and downs of life when you run the entire ship. There is no one to bounce ideas off of, let you know when you're taking on too much, or share the triumphs of a job well done. A partner mirrors our decisions, is a compass for direction and can be a comfort when the train goes off the rails.
On the flip side, the freedom of being the only person responsible for your ups and downs, keeping your own counsel and setting the course for the moment, hour or day is a privilege that can't be ignored, which leads to my point.
I know you're reading and hearing and "New Year Resolutions" everywhere, which is expected. But face it, by the time we hit our mid 20's the idea of making resolutions for the new year is a waste of time. Basically because they'll get broken within the first few days or weeks of the year. For the sake of intention, I think goals are a better bet!
If you're single, sit down and think about what you really want in a relationship. Create a goal to put yourself in environments and/or try new things that will put you in the vicinity of that type of person. Be careful though, this may mean moving past your comfort zone. List 3 places (other than a bar, gym or work) where you can do something new and meet someone with the qualities you're looking for.
If you're on the fence about a relationship you're already in, think about what value that person brings into your life, other than monetary (if that's even a factor). How does he or she make you feel? Do you learn, grow and experience life in a better way with this person, or do they bring you down? Give yourself the goal of serious thought about this topic. If they're right for you, you'll know it. Trust your instincts and figure out a way to work on the relationship to get it where you want it to be. If not, make a definitive decision to end the relationship. It doesn't matter if your grandma likes them, or your friends love them...if you don't, there's no point in being together.
Already dating or married? Think about making a commitment or a recommitment to your relationship. Been thinking about moving together, discuss taking the leap. Wanna give your marriage more time, your spouse more attention? Book a vacation for just the two of you and do something both fun and romantic.
As 2017 comes to a close, let 2018 be the new beginning that it is. Give yourself the goals of love rather than resolutions.