Client Confidential features real stories and experiences shared by my clients. Dates, situations and/or circumstances that are entertaining lessons we can learn from. Also shared is my advice and opinion.
All names have been changed to protect their identity.
Everyone who works with clients knows that the stories they share can be humorous, heartbreaking or downright scary! In this first edition of Remy OnLove’s Client Confidential, I share how tough it can be when you share your political stance and what it’s like to ‘go on a date’ with someone who refuses to sit with you or communicate. Of course, all names are changed to protect identities.
The Verbal Abusive Abuser – Jeff is a handsome guy, tall with broad shoulders and built like a linebacker. He’s an attractive fixture on the dating apps and sites, but has grown wary of being truthful about anything other than what he does for a living or what he looks for in a woman. Why? Well, any dating coach or therapist will advise their client on being too open on a profile, especially when it comes to (still) taboo subjects like religion and politics.
This client is a Republican and considers himself Conservative. However, political beliefs consist of 5% (at most) of his dating preferences. When he listed his political view on profiles, he’d get plenty of hits! They’d either bash him outright (without going on a date), or pretended to be interested so they could go on the date and abuse him face-to-face. The dialogue went something like this:
Client: Hi Mary, you look great tonight. How are you? Date: Good, thank you for the compliment. You’re not so bad yourself! Client: Would you like to get a drink and talk before we order dinner? Date: Sure, that sounds like a plan… Client: What would you like? Date: So, you’re a Nazi, huh? Client: What? Date: You’re a Nazi? You hate women? Why are you on a date if you don’t like women? Client: Um, I’m not sure what you mean… Date: You’re a misogynist, a pig and a Nazi. Why do you go on dates anyway…are you actually looking for love or a robot to go along with your diabolical way of thinking? Client: That’s a lot of questions, and I’m not sure how to answer… Date: I’m going to the bathroom! Waiter: I don’t think she likes you, man. Client: What makes you think that?
It's important to consider three things when dating on apps, sites or when using a Matchmaker. First, always be honest about who you are and what you believe. There is someone, or several people, who share your views and will not admonish you about them. Second, always keep composed during situations where you're confronted over your perspectives, whether it be on race, religion or politics. Finally, each dating experience is an opportunity to ask better questions and be more selective moving forward. With those adjustments you inch closer to success in the long run.
The Lurker – Jennifer arrived for her date 10 minutes early. She knew he looked exactly like (or very close to) her celebrity crush. The host placed her at a booth near the window. It was a clear, sunny day so she took that as a good sign. The ten minutes were long, and then finally, a guy starts to walk by the restaurant. He sees her, they make eye contact and he slows down. As he approaches the door and reaches for the handle he grabs it and swings the door open. Instead of asking the host if she is there, or approach Jennifer’s table (he knows what she’s wearing), he sits at the bar and stares at her. Jennifer’s date lurks at the bar and pretends he does not see her sitting in a booth near the window.
Finally, Jennifer asks the host to go to the bar and ask her date, Ben, to be seated at her table. Ben listens to the host and eyes Jennifer before waiting 10 more minutes to finish his drink and walk over to the booth. Ben sits down without saying a word. He stares at Jennifer as she tries to make conversation. Gives one or two word answers and finally excuses himself to the bathroom. At this point, Jennifer is over it, pays for her drink and leaves. Ben, her date, follows her down the street and watches as she gets into her car. In disbelief, she drives around the block and passes the restaurant where Ben is still standing at the front door watching people walk by.
Overall, this is a strange experience. And, 'Jennifer' handled it well. Although you cannot predict how someone will behave on a date, you can control your response to it. My suggestion is to do exactly what she did and get the heck out of there!